What Being A Solo Female Traveller Is Really Like

Travelling solo has offered me independence and introspection, but also unwanted attention and discomfort.

On the one hand, I have the time and space to sit and think about things: my current friendships, my past relationships, and my aspirations for the future. During this last week, I’ve dedicated a lot of time to just plugging in music and ruminating. It’s become a therapeutic pastime.

I wanted to go solo to give myself the time and space to think about the big and little things. Not necessarily to “find myself”, but to give myself a chance to get to know myself in a neutral space with little distraction. Though not all of my thoughts have been wildly revelatory, I definitely have more peace of mind and a newfound inner confidence.

Despite the many perks of solo travelling, my peace has been disturbed by a lot of obnoxious men. I have been approached and talked at by numerous men, all clearly older than me, in various different settings. Even when I’ve made no initial effort to interact, and when I’ve clearly not reciprocated the conversation — giving no smiles and little eye contact — they have proceeded, making me feel stuck and unable to break away.

Though it may seem like harmless friendliness to many, this bold entitlement angers me. It’s not okay for older men to approach a woman who is clearly alone and going about her business, and start commenting on her looks or asking her personal questions. I already feel vulnerable enough travelling as a lone woman, and even when I try to avoid situations which may put me in danger or make me feel uncomfortable, certain men have still wiggled their way into my personal space and overstepped social boundaries.

I’ve experienced men coming up to me in shops, gyms, and restaurants just to tell me I’m “beautiful”. This attempt at flattery has instead left me feeling self-conscious and sceptical of their intentions. Am I supposed to be thankful for their unwarranted commentary? This happened three times in two hours in a local gym. I initially moved into different sections of the space so as not to feel watched and to discourage further conversation, but ended up concluding my workout early because I wanted out of the male gaze. Though I feel it’s sad that I need to state this, I’d like to emphasise that I was not wearing revealing clothing; and even if I was, it would not be to gain attention or gather compliments, but rather to stay comfortable in Vietnam’s intense heat.

Walking the streets at night, possibly at my most vulnerable, I’ve felt the watchful eyes of men follow me until I’m no longer in their vision. I’ve been startled by a fair few people shouting “Hello!” in my face as they zoom past on motorbikes, and hassled whilst sat by myself in a local market — with one man asking me how it was possible that I was eating all alone and whether I was scared.

The truth is, I’m not scared. I’m angry. Angry that women and girls are made to feel like it’s either unacceptable to simply want to be alone, or that it’s unsafe.

Now, I am not insinuating that “I hate men” or that all men are like this. I am lucky to know some great men who have admirable qualities, and I have some very fulfilling friendships and familial relationships with males of all ages. I do, however, think it’s unfortunate that I only truly feel safe — and can only actually be left alone whilst travelling — when I have male company.

I’ve had the pleasure of exploring South East Asia with two of my male friends, Frank and Lucas. I’ve been hopping around the north of Vietnam with Frank, then had a week doing the south of Vietnam solo, and I’m about to travel Cambodia with Lucas.

Little do they realise, but the two boys have prevented unwarranted attention and harassment simply by their presence. Immediately after Frank’s departure, I was startled to find that people interacted with me far more than when I was with him. I’ve now been joined by Lucas. I haven’t had any negative run-ins with men since his arrival.

In a weird way, I’ve actually felt less alone while travelling solo. Although my intention was to have moments and days of solitude, I’ve found that my peace has often been disrupted, and I want to share that experience. This may or may not be similar for other girls (or boys) out there, but it is something I’ve heard echoed by many female solo travellers I’ve spoken to, and I want to bring it forward for further discussion and consideration.